The famed Joe the Preacher Root contains the living, breathing spirit of a mysterious hobo preacher…

[Story as remembered by Prof. Crow and retold by Doktor Snake]

Joe was an itinerant preacher. He had no theological training. He never went to Bible school. But he was a holy and compassionate man. The people loved him. But the established churches, and the pastors who made money from  the collection plate, hated him.

West Virginia, at that time, was under siege from demonic forces and wayward spirits. Some say a hell-mouth had temporarily opened, spewing forth infernal spirits.

When the people began to be possessed and tormented by those terrible hell-spawn, the orthodox ministers failed to help. They just turned away. They neither had the stomach nor the faith.

They failed the people.

It was only Joe who would ride, even walk, for days to visit some poor wretch in their remote cabin and fight the Devil there.

However, he was only one man, and Satan is legion.

There was no way he could help everybody, such was the hellish epidemic. So Joe spoke to the angels. And the angels spoke to God. It was agreed that Joe could put a piece of his vast storehouse of spiritual power into a special root and give it to the people to help them.

That way, Joe could distribute his ministry far and wide and kick out the Devil without being there.

Nobody knows what became of Joe. That battle took a mighty toll on him, and he retired to his cabin and his Bible.

What is known is the promise about the root remains good. Joe always used to send a piece to anybody who needed help. When Joe died, the promise didn’t, and his spiritual power remains in that special root – the Joe the Preacher Root.

Joe may not have been an angel. But he was on their side.

But I can state, here and now, that the spirits are ANGRY. They do not support this cruelty. They are filled with rage at the practice. And I can promise all men who indulge in this vile activity the following:

Because the spirits are angry, every last one of you involved in this evil will be rendered impotent… believe me, even if J.Lo was hot and crazy for you, you wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing about it!

Here’s what an informant from the Far East told me about the practice:

“I’ve seen motor carts with cages of live dogs stuffed in them, tied and stacked on top of each other, being taken to slaughter places. In Cambodia, they torture dogs first before killing them. They do this in front of other dogs so they know what they are in for. This is to get the dogs’ adrenaline flowing. They then kill the dog by cruelly strangling it with a rope while sticking an electric cattle prod up its butt. It’s horrible.

Eating dogs that have died in this way is supposed to give men sexual prowess. Every time I heard a dog howl I’m afraid it’s being tortured in preparation for butchering and eating.”

I’m anti all forms of cruelty to animals. And even though I’m a voodoo man I do not advocate animal sacrifice, not in any shape or form. In fact, I consider animals to be superior to humans in many ways…think about it, nowhere in the animal world has their been a Hitler or an Idi Amin, and they bear no prejudice or vindictiveness.

Anyway, I urge all who read this to support animal welfare groups like PETA who fight for the humane treatment of animals in all parts of the world, including the Far East.

A mojo hand is a voodoo amulet which, through a ritual, becomes a living, breathing material manifestation of power, working on your behalf to bring your wishes into reality – in this case to stop a partner committing adultery.

During the voodoo rite I commune directly with the spirits who enter the mojo hand, divesting it with numinous energy – which, once the amulet has been sent to you, will work on your partner, gradually changing them so they cannot bring themselves to commit adultery any longer.

It’s about gaining the voodoo edge. And this involves heightening charisma and increasing luck – bringing politicians the advantage of being in the right place at the right time more often.

A typical voodoo election working would also look to decrease unfortunate gaffs which many politicians seem to be prone to.

Naturally, I can’t name any of the politicians that have come to me for voodoo help. But I can say that in recent years I have personally taken three politicians to the graveyard to cast a voodoo spell and leave offerings and thanks to the spirits – in particular the powerful and tricky Graveyard Snake.

“Most practitioners are clueless. They ain’t got no idea how to fix up a voodoo doll. They talk about using their ‘psychic powers’ to empower the doll. That’s a heap o’ shit. Those dolls have about as much mojo as a dead fly on a window pane. What you gotta do is bring your voodoo doll to life. It has to be a livin’ thing.

Lemme tell you this: One time I fixed up a voodoo doll to bring back a woman’s husband who’d walked out on her and gone with another girl. During the midnight ritual in the cemetery I called up the spirits, Ole Satan and the Graveyard Snake. Now they knew that a spirit has to live in the doll for it to work So they brought a spirit right up outa Hell and he took his home in the doll.

Next thing I know, that doll moved! It raised its arm in the air and winked at me! That voodoo doll came to life. And that how it should be. Yo’ voodoo doll gotta live for the spell to work.

And it ain’t no damn good callin’ on angels either. You wanna bring an errant guy back, he ain’t comin’. No he ain’t. You need Ole Satan and the Graveyard Snake, you wanna get the job done.

And I’ll tell you, that woman’s husband come runnin’ on back to her within 7 days o’ that voodoo doll comin’ to life. He was beggin’ her to take him back.”

Every voodoo doll Earl and I ever made was brought to life and animated. And that’s exactly how I do it to this day with all my voodoo dolls.

If you haven’t already, enter the prize draw here.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. There’s powerful voodoo – harmless yet 100% effective – to banish demons and other intrusions of the soul matrix.

I was talking to Prof. Crow about the above story the other day and he said: “Well Doc, you’re in bad trouble if your soul matrix been invaded. But you and I both know there’s a foolproof remedy guaranteed to restore an invaded soul.”

“Joe the Preacher root,” I replied.

“Yep, the living spirit o’ that ole hobo preacher from West Virginia,” said Prof.

The arcane secrets of Joe the Preacher root was taught to Prof and I by our voodoo masters – in my case, Earl Marlowe.

“None o’ these so called adepts get it,” continued Prof. “You don’t have to beat the living shit out of a kid to drive a spirit out. It don’t have to be like the motherfucking Exorcist. All ya’ gotta do is call on Joe the Preacher an’ them spirits run out like they got a hard-ass hound o’ hell on their tails. That’s a living fact.”

“Glad to see you put that post about ole Earl’s Black Lightning Conjure Rod as I and just been thinking of ole James ‘Johnny’ Redstone. He wasn’t even 22 when that bust went wrong and a shotgun blast to his chest left nothin’ inside.

Ole Johnny was a real powerful sorcerer who had been fighting with law since he was a teenager. Folks say he gone and robbed many a man to get his Vincent machine, but I know it was his callin’ up those screaming spirits that haunt the empty highways.

Now Johnny used to say that you could hear them voices of their fury over the howling of the wind as ya ripped that ole bike’s accelerator back. Now he’s riding with the dammed in leather and chrome.

There’s a lot of stuff that there youngster knew that folk twice his age had never heard of. Like us ole voodoo men he knew of the old and new places of power, but also the roads between them. He used to say that if ya gonna call up things from the pit make sure you got plenty of women, as well as beer, red hair and black leather!

Now that ole biker bokor has gone and joined the riders on the storm and is powerful, powerful shit.”

A Zombie Spirit Head is very useful for finding out hidden information that can’t be found via the normal channels or through standard divination procedures. It can help you find buried treasure or direct you to opportunities that could prove highly lucrative financially. Or if it is a love situation – a lover has left you, for example – a Zombie Spirit Head can be used to see exactly what is going on in your ex’s life, almost in cinematographic detail. (Note that it is not possible for either me or Prof Crow to use Zombie Spirit Heads on behalf of clients).

Here’s some informed commentary on Zombie Spirit Heads from a well-known British academic friend of ours – a specialist in pagan religions and practices (won’t name him as his university wouldn’t appreciate his name being associated with outlaw voodooists!):

“The Haitian term Bokor, and the familiar Louisiana one Voodoo Swamp Man, are just regional variants. They are both sorcerers for hire, morally ambivalent, and work both harmful and beneficial magic and do so in a similar manner, methodology and cosmology-wise. For instance, both sorcerers create talismans that house spirits. The Haitian Bokor calls these ‘oungas,’ the Louisiana Voodoo Swamp Man ’Wanga.’

However the Bokor is more famous for making both types of zombie (Le Grande and Le Petite). Whereas the Louisana Voodoo Swamp Man is commonly associated with the lesser type (although they have been known to make either). We are very familiar in Western culture with the first type of zombie which is the animated corpse, but less so with the latter type. This is a zombified soul summoned to do the sorcerer’s bidding (or summoned to the particular bidding of the sorcerers client). This zombie soul is known as the Ti-Bon-Agne in Haitian Voodoo or a Zombie Spirit in Swamp Voodoo. In other Afro Caribbean magical practices it is variously called an Astral Zombie or Duppy.

As the zombie soul does not have a physical body to contain it from wandering when not doing the sorcerer’s bidding one has be to be made.  The vessel containing the soul of the zombie is called Canari Voodoo in Haiti and a Spirit Head in Louisiana Swamp Voodoo. Traditionally both types of sorcerers would use an actual human head (usually that belonging to the person who’s soul that wanted to enslave) which they shrink down for portability and concealment. Nowadays Haitian Bokors rarely do this, instead they employ a ceremonial vessel. A few remaining Louisiana Voodoo Swamp Men carry on the original tradition of using a head they have ‘shrunk down’ as the receptacle. However this is unlikely to be human and their exact composition is a closely guarded secret.

In certain Petro, Bizango and Zobop rites, when the zombie soul is from a particularly powerful being, the vessel becomes damp during the invocation. This is because in Haitian Voodoo the souls of the dead are found in the sea (Guinée/Guinen). Louisiana Voodoo Swamp practitioners claim that when the zombie spirit is on a mission for it’s owner, or has just completed its task, the vessel (the Spirit Head) becomes damp. This proof of effectiveness is demonstrated in other Voodoo Swamp practices by the appearance of ‘Spirit Sweat.’”

It’s also one of the coolest motorcycles that’s ever been produced.

Earl was a big fan of motorcycles. He used to ride an old Black Lightning in his younger days – during the time he knew Johnny Redstone, a remarkable fellow, and also a motorcycle enthusiast, who was killed in a drugs shootout and ended up a restless demonic spirit on the etheric plane.

Earl used to say to me: “The Black Lighting beats all other bikes. The Nortons, Indians, Harleys and Greeves never held a candle to it. Them Lightnin’s had soul. They was alive.”

Earl’s Vincent got written off in an accident. He came off unscathed, but the bike didn’t. He gave the bike to a collector for parts. But kept the drive chain which he had melted down and transformed into a Bowie style knife, which he turned into a “conjure rod” or voodoo wand. He had various “extras” melted into the raw metal, and performed incantations to the spirits to turn the “Black Lightning Conjure Rod” into a very powerful and arcane artifact.

Earl used it regularly in his spellcasting work. And before he died he gave his precious voodoo wand to me, which I keep on my shrine and use it to empower spellworkings – especially the Johnny Redstone Midnite Mojo.