Leaving the European Union has divided Britain. Remainers and leavers are at each others’ throats. Families are divided. Even relationships have broken up over it.
Anybody would think there was a Brexit curse…
Voodoo man Doktor Snake thinks just that. What’s more, he wonders if the whole Brexit fiasco is down to him personally.
“I don’t like hearing about Brexit on the news, to be honest,” says Snake. “I feel guilty about it as I really think the whole thing is down to me.”
Two years or so ago he says he was hired by a mysterious person who asked if he could help him summon the Devil.
“Obviously I’m known for dealings like that,” explains Snake. “So I didn’t think anything of it. But this guy was very old school. It wasn’t Jacob Rees Mogg, but this man was very similar. I had the feeling he was involved with government, the civil service or military intelligence.”
Apparently a sizeable chunk of money changed hands.
“Well you can’t do these kind of things cheaply,” says Snake. “It’s not bargain basement voodoo. So anyway, this was after the referendum when people voted to leave the EU. And this fellow was insistent about summoning Satan. So I took him over the Halvergate Marshes in Norfolk, near Great Yarmouth. There’s very definitely a portal there that leads into other levels of the multiverse. It’s not a safe place. You don’t want to go there, believe me. A faceless man haunts the place, and over on the nearby Acle Straight, where there’s an unnatural amount of car accidents, people see a phantom carriage – it’s the Devil’s carriage.”
According to Snake, this individual with the look of Jacob Rees Mogg, was adamant he wanted to go ahead. And Snake took him into a parallel realm connected to the Halvergate Marshes. And there the two of them met the Devil.
“We call him the Devil,” Snake continues, “but that’s mere convenience. Really it’s an entity that exists between the worlds. But given the right circumstances the Devil has very great power. I left my client to make his bargain with the entity – the Devil. But I’m now 100 percent certain that the deal struck was about destroying Brexit and causing a good deal of anarchy in Britain. And that’s happened. It’s obvious, for example, that Theresa May is under spiritual attack, and the nation itself is in disarray.”
But who was this client – does Snake have any idea at all?
“Well I do wonder if it was Jacob Rees Mogg. There’s more to him than meets the eye. I wonder if he somehow shapeshifted so I couldn’t quite reognise him, or be certain who he was. You see, Mogg is an agent of chaos, he yearns for entropy… sure, on the surface, he’s a confirmed leaver… but in truth, I’m sure he has another agenda – one of chaos. And if I’m honest, I respect that, quite possibly because we’re of a similar ilk in that respect. We waver more on the side of the gods of chaos.”
So does Snake not really feel guilty at being an enabler of the current Brexit disarray?
“In the end, I suppose I don’t,” he says. “The world needs more chaos, perhaps to the point of catastrophe, and from that a new order can grow. We desperately need that. And I think that’s Jacob Rees Mogg’s agenda. He is using his position to push us all to destruction, to bring on Ragnorok, from which the worlds begin again. For that we can perhaps salute him.”