So if you got a problem with the law – or the police are after you – one way to get them off your back is to sleep in a cemetery. Call up the spirits voodoo style. The next morning you’ll find the law won’t be after you no more. At very least, things will go easier for you.

There’s more to it than just going to sleep in a cemetery. But drifting into the land of nod with the shades of the dead is a key part of it. First you need to find a cemetery that isn’t patrolled, or overlooked by houses, otherwise somebody will call the cops and you’ll be picked up. You don’t want that, you got enough trouble going down as it is.

Once you’ve found the ideal cemetery, take some good cigars and a bottle of rum with you, which you’ll leave as offerings to the spirits. Next thing, walk around the gravestones and find the person who died at the oldest age – ninety or over a hundred is what you want. Once you found the grave you want, dowse a little rum over the headstone and light up one of the cigars you brought with you. Puff on it three times, and then put the lit cigar on the grave and leave it to burn.

This is your offering. Now say something like: “Hey, spirit of the dead lands, help me in my plight to get the law off my back. I ain’t a bad man (or woman as the case may be). I was just tryin’ to get by in this harsh and merciless world. I was doing the best I can. I’m gonna sleep the night close by, keep you company, so you can do your work. I dedicate my offerings of rum and cigars to you and give my respect and thanks. Peace.”

Dowse a little more rum on the headstone of the grave, and leave the bottle of rum by the side of the grave, so the spirit can easily reach it. And don’t forget to leave the rest of the cigars next to the rum.

Now it’s time to bed down for the night in the cemetery. Find somewhere reasonably comfortable and outta sight. Obviously, you’ll wanna have a warm sleeping bag with you, and anything else you need for a night outside.

Don’t be afraid if you wake up in the night and see spirits, don’t matter how scary they are, just stay cool and try and get some sleep. When you wake to the light of dawn you can head on home. Things gonna be okay, it’ll all turn out right – or at least some o’ your troubles will be gone.

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